Rachel finished going through her presentation. She worked as a nurse for the Organ Transplant Foundation. One part of her job was to educate the public about organ donation. She loved her job. She got to travel. She saw tragedy and triumph, but the latter would rarely be possible without educating the public. As usual when she was finished, there were a few people who wanted to talk to her.******************************************************************************
When Nick had seen her in the hotel lobby, he was instantly attracted to her. She looked perfect. Not a hair out of place, her business suet was almost too sexy to be professional. He grabbed Brian and Kevin and pulled them into whatever seminar that she was teaching. They agreed with Nick that she was pretty, but they all really got into her speech. She was a talented speaker.
Rachel looked at the three guys standing in from of her. They were all cute, but definitely not her type. She liked a man who was a little bit country. She loved a man in tight jeans and cowboy boots. All three of them were into the baggy jeans and loose shirt thing that was so popular. And the taller blonde one even had a northern accent. She answered their questions and gave them all one of her cards so they could contact her if they had further questions.
She wasn’t surprised when they asked her to join them later that night at a club. “One of us could be your date,” Kevin offered. They all looked so hopeful.
Rachel smiled. She looked at each of them and the she told them the truth. “I’ve got plans for tonight already. But thanks anyway.” They all talked to her for a few more minutes and then left.
Back in their suite, Kevin spoke first. “I don’t think we’re her type. She’s a professional and we are musicians. I mean, we are professionals too, but not on the same level. She’s probably into doctors and lawyer types.”
“You’re probably right. Here’s one of the few times we don’t get the girl because we ARE musicians and not something else,” Nick complained.
The next day, they saw Rachel talking to another woman in the hotel lobby. Brian overheard them talking and the 2nd woman told Rachel that she would see her later that night. Once Rachel was gone, they all cornered the 2nd woman.
“Well, hello there,” she said smiling at the three gorgeous men surrounding her.
“Hi, I’m Brian. This is Nick and Kevin,” he said indicating each of his friends.
“I’m Octavia. Now what can I do for you?” she asked.
“Are you friends with Rachel?”
“Yes, I am. We hang out a lot when she’s not on call. Why?”
“You said you were gonna meet her later. I’ve got to see her again. Can you tell me where she will be later?” Nick whined.
Octavia laughed and dug in her purse pulling out a matchbook. “This is where we’ll be from about 8pm on. Rachel likes to dance.”
“Cool. We’ll be there,” Kevin said.
“You boys got some boots?” she asked as they started to walk off.
“Huh?” they said collectively.
“This place is a country and western bar. What you are wearing won’t work at all. Not if you want to get Rachel’s attention.”
“So we need different clothes....Damn! That means we gotta go shopping!” Nick said.
“Come on. I know just the place,” Octavia said taking Kevin’s hand.
She took them out and found the perfect clothes for them to wear for the night. When they got back to the hotel, she asked if any of them could dance. “Um....well......that is kinda what we ......” Kevin started.
“I know who you are and what you do. But can you do the two step? Line dance? The stuff we will be doing tonight?”
“Crap! I didn’t think about that,” Brian said.
“I can help you with that too. Any chance your buddy AJ is around? I feel fairly certain he can help me teach you.”
“Sure, let me call and get him to get his butt down here.”
The all met up in a small ballroom on the 2nd floor of the hotel. When AJ walked in, he kissed Octavia on the cheek. “Tavia! Long time no see!” he teased.
“Yeah, I know. But your brothers here need to learn to dance. They think they have a chance with the elusive Rachel.”
“I’ll help you teach them, but,” he said looking over to his bandmates, “Rachel isn’t gonna go out with you.”
They all eventually found out that AJ and Tavia had met the night before at the same club they were going to tonight and that he had danced with Rachel too. They worked hard and learned step after step to impress her. Then each of them had to practice dancing with Tavia to be sure they could lead well enough.
That night Tavia picked Rachel up and they went out. When the guys got there, Rachel was out on the dance floor. Tavia was taking a break and they joined her at her table. Nick looked out and saw Rachel dancing. She had on tight black jeans and black boots with a white button down shirt that was tied at the waist. Her long red hair was worn down and loose. She looked incredible.
"God, I’m nervous,” Nick said.
“You guys should do fine. But I should warn you, Rachel’s a better dancer than I am and several of the regular guys here like to monopolize her. Jeff has already asked her for the next dance. He’s really good. Watch them and you’ll see what I mean.”
They watched Rachel with the guy she was currently dancing with. They didn’t notice any missed steps or anything. They felt okay about dancing with her. They watched as another guy came up and started dancing with her. She smiled at him. The guys were in awe. Not only did they do everything perfectly and coordinated well, but they added in extra steps that looked like they belonged there.
The DJ announced a line dance next and Tavia dragged the guys out on the floor. Rachel saw them and made her way over. “What are you all doing here?”
“Trying to impress you,” Nick answered.
“Is it working?” Brian asked.
“I’ll let you know later,” she said smiling at him. “Did you have anything to do with this?” she asked looking at Tavia.
“Maybe.”
“Great! What am I gonna do with three guys?” she asked to no one in particular. Tavia grinned at her wickedly, the guys watching the exchange between them.
“You can have lots of fun with them while they have lots of fun with you,” she offered.
Rachel looked at the three of them. “I’m not that kind of girl! But I do like to have fun, so you three have to take turns dancing with me tonight.”
As the night went on, Rachel ruled out Kevin as an interest for her. First, his hair was too long to suit her. Second, Tavia seemed to like him and he seemed a little interested in her. They looked good together.
She liked Brian well enough. He was sweet and cute. He made her laugh. He treated her like a lady. She felt very special when she was with him.
Nick was really something. He was sexy and adorable at the same time. His body was perfect. He had a smile that could steal your heart and his eyes.... They were the most beautiful shade of blue. And he had this look that he gave you that let you know exactly how much he wanted you. And it took everything Rachel had to look away from him and not at least kiss him.
At the end of the night, Tavia and Rachel were walked to their car. Kevin ignored everyone else and kissed Tavia goodnight.
“Do we get goodnight kisses, Rachel?” Nick asked.
“Why not?” she said. “Who’s first?” Nick stepped closer to her and pulled her to him for a passionate kiss that made her forget everything but that a gorgeous man was kissing her. She took a few minutes to collect herself after the kiss before stepping closer to Brian. When Brian kissed her all she could do was wonder how he had learned to kiss like that. She wanted to know if he was that good at other thing. She certainly didn’t want him to stop when he did. He could see it in her eyes and smiled. Finally a woman who’s more interested in me than in Nick he thought. The band was in town for one more night and they all agreed to get together again the next night.
Rachel had Nick making her crazy while she tried to keep him from seducing her with his eyes and his smiles. And Brian was just as bad being a perfect gentleman. That night Nick kissed her goodnight the same as he had the night before. Brian opted to kiss her hand. She nearly went up in flames. What is he doing to me? she thought.******************************************************************
Several weeks and phone calls later, they convinced Rachel to come spend two weeks on tour with them. She agreed since Tavia was going to be coming out to see Kevin as well. Space was pretty tight and there were conveniently only 5 bunks on the bands bus. Tavia had no problems about bunking with Kevin. Nick and Brian were arguing over who Rachel would be sleeping with. “Hello?! I think I should be the one to decide that one. You two need to shut up for a minute.” They instantly pouted like 4 year olds. She couldn’t help laughing at them. “How about if I spend the first week here with Nick and then second week with Brian?”
“That sounds reasonable to me. What about you Bri?” Nick asked.
He was obviously not thrilled at getting the second week, but he wasn’t about to argue with Rachel and look silly. “Sure. I’ll get to make her forget all about you, Nick.”
Rachel let them know on the front end that she was NOT going to be having sex with either of them. Sleep would be the only thing they would be doing with her. They pouted again, but agreed. Nick, being the whiner that he is, had to point out that Kevin was “gonna be gettin’ some” and that it wasn’t fair. Rachel pointed out that Tavia and Kevin were in love and had a very serious relationship and so that was different than what she had with either Nick or Brian.
Rachel had a great time with the guys. They kept her laughing all day. Sleeping with Nick was definitely interesting. She would invariably wake up to find Nick’s hand someplace it shouldn’t be. One night woke her up with his hand between her legs, just stroking her. When she let out a soft moan, he quickly kissed her and used his fingers to please her. It felt so good, but she was so mad at him. He tickled her until she forgave him. When she curled up next to him to go back to sleep, he whispered in her ear. “I’m so much better with my tongue.” She shivered involuntarily. He smiled, and then realized that it was her last night bunking with him.
Brian was really nervous about Rachel sleeping in his bunk. He was afraid he might forget himself in his sleep. He was so worried about it that he didn’t sleep at all the first night. He just watched her sleep. The second night, he passed out from being so tired. Rachel couldn’t believe it. By day he was a perfect gentleman. He opened doors, pulled out her chair, all the things a man can do to let a woman know he’s thinking of her above everything else. He was just too sweet for words.
Rachel and he sat up watching a movie the third night. She fell asleep before it was over. When he realized she was asleep, he turned off the movie and carried her to his bunk, which was below Kevin’s. When he was crawling in across her and closing the curtain, she woke up.
“Brian,” she whispered, “Please kiss me.”
He was startled. “I thought that you were sleeping.”
“Not now. Now I want to know what your kiss feels like again. Please,” she begged.
He touched her cheek and lightly kissed her lips. Soon he had to deepen his kiss. He slid his tongue into her mouth and moaned at how good it felt to kiss her. Soon he let her hands pull his head down so he could kiss her neck. He let his own hands unbutton her pajama top and he cupped her left breast with his hand before taking it into his mouth. She arched into his embrace, holding him close. She wanted so much more from him. “Oh, Brian. That feels so good. Please don’t stop!” she said softly.
Amazingly, that is exactly what he did. He pulled away from her and sat up as much as he could at the end of the bunk. She sat up and looked at him. “Why did you stop?”
“I’m so sorry. I never meant to let things get that far out of control. That’s why I’ve tried to keep my distance with you. I was afraid I’d go too far and scare you off,” he explained.
She reached out and touched his face. Then she whispered “Brian, I’m not scared. It’s okay. At least now I know that the perfect gentleman I’ve been with lately has a very passionate side. I was starting to think you didn’t feel that way about me.”
“You just don’t know all the things I think about doing to you,” he admitted.
“A girl could fall completely in love with you, ya know?”
“I can only hope so!” he said and snuggled up next to her. She let her hands wander over his chest and to his stomach. “Rachel. Don’t do that. Nick is better at muffling noises than I am.”
Rachel blushed, but kept running her hand along the waistband of his briefs. “What if I don’t stop?”
“Then you’ll get what you’re wanting I guess,” he said as she slid her hand into his briefs and caressed his length. He pulled her hand out and whispered “okay, but let’s get into the bathroom and turn on the shower to cover the noise.” They silently crept out of the bunk to the back of the bus where the shower was. As he was turning on the water, Rachel undressed. Brian smiled and followed her lead quickly. He grabbed her and sat her on the edge of the sink and kissed her. He followed the same path with his lips that he had started earlier, but he went further. When his lips touched her core, she pulled him closer. He used his fingers and his tongue to drive her over the edge. Before she could catch her breath, he slid his length into her. She felt so good that he thought he would lose it right then. He took a deep breath and looked in her eyes and started to move, slowly. She begged him to go faster, but he only kept his rhythm. So she was crying out her release again as he kissed her. He kept moving inside her slowly until he felt her start to respond again. Then he gave in to her pleas to go harder and faster. They found this release together. When their breathing returned to normal, Brian slid out of her and they used the shower to get cleaned up. They thought that no one had heard them and crept back to Brian’s bunk.
Nick wasn’t sure whether he was mad, upset, or relieved. He wanted Rachel for himself, but he knew that Brian was probably the better man for her. Brian was ready for commitment and to settle down. All Nick was really looking for was a fun girlfriend, but nothing permanent. Rachel might do ‘fun’ really well, but she was the kind of woman who needed what Brian had to offer. Still he wished that he could have had at least one night with her. The way she responded to him, even in her sleep, was such a turn on to him. “I wonder if Brian would give me details about her?” he said softly to himself.
“Not likely,” Howie said sarcastically as he leaned over the side of his upper bunk to peer in at Nick.
“Howie! Don’t be eavesdropping!”
“Nick! Don’t be talking to yourself!” Howie teased and threw his pillow at Nick.
“Everyone, SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP!” Kevin yelled. There was silence, then lots of giggling. “Oh, and Brian...NO MORE showers tonight.” More giggles and snickering. Rachel blushed. Brian smiled.
“Okay Dad. I’ll be good,” he called out to Kevin.
“You were already good apparently. Now I just want QUIET!” Kevin barked. No one made a sound.
Brian whispered to Rachel how sorry he was that everyone had heard them. Rachel told him that it was okay, especially since there was really nothing she could do about any of it now.
The next day, Rachel had taken something to help her sleep and was taking a nap on the bus during rehearsals. Brian send Nick to wake Rachel up to go get dinner with everyone. When Nick found Rachel, she was sleeping on her back with one arm thrown over her head. All she had on was a tank top and her underwear. She had kicked the sheet off in her sleep apparently. Nick couldn’t resist. He had to at least curl up beside her one last time. He slid into the bunk next to her and lightly touched her face. She turned her face into his caress. Soon he was kissing her passionately. He gently broke their kiss and began to kiss her neck and slid his hand under her shirt. She never really woke up, but she murmured something: “Oh Brian, I love you so much.” Nick froze. She really belonged to Brian. He slid out of the bunk and went to the bathroom. He washed his face with cold water. He had actually NOT gotten the girl this time! He couldn’t believe it. But he felt guilty as hell for kissing Brian’s girl. Well, Brian would never know and she didn’t even wake up. He headed back out of the bathroom.
“Rachel,” he called loudly a few times.
“Hello?” she called back.
He pulled the curtain back. “Hey sleepyhead! Brian wanted me to come and get you for dinner.”
“Oh, okay. I just need a few minutes to get dressed.”
He looked at her and grinned. “You look like you had a good dream or something?”
Rachel smiled at him. “Uh-huh. It was nice. I can’t wait to see Brian and make it come true!”
“You’ve really fallen for him, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but don’t tell him. I want him to keep doing what he’s doing. He’s just so sweet at this whole romance thing.”
“So you got any friends back home who might be interested in me?”
Rachel thought for a moment. “Well there is this one girl named Kristi that you might like.”
“Get her here! I’m so lonely,” he said falling on his knees in front of Rachel.
Brian walked in then to see Nick on his knees in front of Rachel who was in her underwear and a tank top. “Am I interrupting something?” he asked.
Nick smiled at Brian. “I’m just begging Rachel to find me a woman like her, since she obviously belongs to you. She knows someone who might be interested...”
“Nick, that’s great! Now, get away from the gorgeous babe!” Brian said trying to sound mean. Rachel and Nick laughed; Brian followed suit and then drug Rachel out of the bunk and to the bathroom. Once there, he kissed her passionately and pulled of what little clothing she had on. She quickly did the same for him and they got in the shower. Brian couldn’t get enough of her. He loved everything about her. It had never been like this for him before. He couldn’t wait until they were actually alone together in a hotel room tonight.
Later, at dinner, Brian was talking to Kevin. Rachel just watched him. It slowly dawned on her that she was really in love with Brian. Everything about him was exactly what she wanted.
She called Kristi that night from their hotel room and arranged for her to come out and meet them at the next town they would be in tomorrow. She called Nick and told him that Kristi was coming. Brian pulled her away from the phone and onto the bed to watch TV. She relaxed in his arms while he played with her hair.
“Brian, I have to tell you something,” she started.
“Sounds serious. Is it?”
“I think so.”
“Okay so tell me.”
“I realized something today, about you.”
“Uh-oh. You found out about one of my two bad habits, didn’t you?” he teased.
“Brian! Stop it! I’m trying to be serious and tell you I love you, and you’re making jokes!” She stopped when she realized what she had said. Brian was smiling. “What are you smiling about?”
“I already knew. You never would have made love to me if you didn’t love me. You’re not that kind of person. Oh, I love you too, in case you were wondering.”
Rachel hugged him and they made love the rest of the night and fell into an exhausted sleep.*******************************************************************
At breakfast the next morning, Kevin and Tavia showed up with a small gift for Brian and Rachel. It was a box with a bandana inside. Brian and Rachel both looked puzzled. Kevin reached over and rolled the bandana up and held it up. “It can be used as a gag,” he explained.
“Why do we need a gag?”
Kevin looked at Tavia. “Harder Brian! Please, faster! Oh God, yes that’s it!” Tavia said sounding impossibly like Rachel from the night before.
“You gotta teach your woman to not scream so loud. In the meantime, use a gag!” Kevin teased.
Rachel was blushing. Brian was trying to figure out a response to Kevin to defend Rachel. Nick beat him to it. “Hey, Kev... some women are just more vocal. And some people say that the reason some women don’t call out during sex is because they’re afraid they’ll say the wrong name.”
Brian high-fived Nick and Howie laughed. Kevin was silent for a minute. Then he looked at Tavia. “Honey, you’re gonna have to start being a little louder,” he said laughing. Tavia laughed with him.
********************************************************************
When Kristi showed up, Nick was really excited about having someone to spend time with who was just there to see him. Kristi was really pretty and Nick liked her a lot. He enjoyed being with her and she obviously liked him too. After a few dates over a few weeks, Nick decided to kiss her goodnight. When he leaned over to kiss her, she stopped him.
"Nick, don’t,” she said putting her fingers on his lips. “I’m not her and I won’t be a substitute.”
Nick looked confused. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m not Rachel and I don’t want to try to take her place in your heart,” she explained.
“God, is it that obvious?”
“I just know what I’m looking for...been here before,” she said smiling a little. “But I would really like it if you and I could be friends.”
Nick pulled her to him for a tight hug. “I need all the friends I can get right now.”*******************************************************************
Two months later, Rachel walked through the door of her apartment in a daze. Sitting on the sofa, she thought about her relationship with Brian. They were totally in love. He had been bugging her to marry him for the last month every time they were together. Now she had something that would really either totally shake him or he would insist on marrying her.
She had come from her doctor’s office. She had suspected that she was pregnant, but had prayed that she was wrong. All those nights with Brian had paid off so to speak. Now she was carrying his child. She knew he would probably be thrilled at the idea, but she was still in shock. She just sat there on the sofa in a zone.
She didn’t even hear the phone ring, but Brian’s voice leaving a message on the machine brought her back to reality. She picked up the phone before he hung up.
“Brian, I’m here. I was just getting in,” she said.
“Hey Baby! I miss you. When are you gonna get to come back out on tour with us?”
“Next week I think. It depends on how this conference goes over the weekend. I miss you too though. And I really need to see you.”
“Yeah, I need to talk to you too, face to face,” he said.
Something felt suddenly very wrong to Rachel. “Is something wrong Brian?”
“I just need to talk to you and tell you how much I love you,” he said, hoping she believed him.
The feeling subsided. “Oh, I see. And face to face you can show me, huh?”
“Yeah,” he said laughing. “So how was your day?”
Rachel struggled to come up with a believable answer. “You know, same stuff, different day. But I have a surprise for you.”
“Oh, a surprise. What is it?”
“Can’t tell you till I see you,” she teased. “Sorry.” They talked for a little while longer before Brian had to go practice. Rachel was getting excited about telling him he was going to be a Daddy and looked forward to seeing him.********************************************************************
When she got to see him the following week in Atlanta, he looked like he had not been doing so well. All the guys were concerned about him, especially Nick and Kevin. They all went out for dinner and dancing. Toward the end of the evening, Rachel asked Brian if he was ready for his surprise.
“Absolutely! Do we need to be alone?” he asked grinning.
“Well it’s not exactly something that I would consider trying to keep from our friends. Let’s go round up everybody.”
A little while later, everyone was sitting a their table. Rachel stood up. “Okay everyone, this news is for everyone to hear, but I’m gonna tell it to Brian.” She turned to face Brian. “I’m still in shock over this myself, Bri-Bear. Give me your hand.” He complied and she held his hand and talked to him. He just sat looking up at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. “You know how much I love you, right?” He nodded. “Well I’ve been so tired these last few weeks. I kind of wondered if something was wrong. So I went to the doctor,” she said and put his hand on her stomach. “Right now your hand is on the reason I’ve been so tired. My doctor says I’m pregnant. You’re gonna be a Daddy...” she said.
Brian pulled her close and put his head on her stomach, tears falling from his eyes. Everyone cheered. Brian stood up and pulled her tighter against him. “I love you so much, Rachel. I’m so happy you’re having my baby!” Then he kissed her... He broke the kiss pulling her into another hug. He looked over Rachel’s shoulder at Nick and wondered how Nick was feeling about Rachel being pregnant. Nick had matured a lot in the last few months. He and Rachel were close friends.
Kevin ordered a round of Milk for everyone and they toasted the happy couple. “So, Rachel, are you gonna finally accept Brian’s proposal now?” Kevin asked.
“It’s a definite possibility,” she said, looking up at Brian.
That night, Rachel fell asleep in Brian’s arms. She never saw the tears he cried as he fell asleep. The next morning, when she woke up, Brian was looking at her and had the saddest look on his face. “What is it?” she asked.
“God, I don’t know how to tell you this.”
Rachel was scared. “Brian, what’s wrong? Please tell me.”
He took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to tell you last night and spoil your good mood. No one in the band knows about this yet. I went to see my cardiologist last week.” Rachel said up, suddenly even more afraid than she had been before. “Apparently, where they did my heart surgery before, something has gone wrong.” Rachel was staring at him in awe. “They say there is nothing that they can do for me now and that I won’t live four more months. Four months is the most time they are willing to give me. They say 2 to 4 months. I’m going to be dead before you have our baby.”
“NO! You are too healthy! You are active and you, you.........”
“Rachel, I’m not able to do all the stuff I’ve been doing. I’m back to having oxygen backstage at all the shows.”
Rachel took a moment to absorb what he was saying. Then she started to cry. “Oh God, Brian! What are we going to do? I want you to be here with me to raise our child.”
He touched her cheek. “Rachel, I’m trying to figure out what to do. I want to see our child grow up and have children of it’s own. I may just have to do it as a guardian angel.” Rachel cried more as Brian held her close.**********************************************************************
Later that day, Brian told the rest of the band. Everyone was devastated. Nick was going crazy. He was losing his best friend and he would have to watch the woman he loved go through hell in the process. And Brian, he was losing everything. Still his was the same lovable guy who spent time with all his friends and his girlfriend.
Over the next few months, Brian did lots of thinking and planning. He knew he had to find a way to be sure that both Rachel and his child would be taken care of. He had a will drawn up leaving everything to Rachel and their unborn child. He and Rachel tearfully agreed that marriage would not be what they needed to do. That would be more stress than Brian needed to be dealing with right now. But still he wanted for Rachel to have someone in her life who would care for her and look after the baby.
He was going to go over to Kevin’s house and talk to him about it when he found his answer. Rachel was coming back from a routine checkup with her obstetrician and Nick had gone with her since Brian wasn’t feeling well. He watched as Nick helped her out of the car. Even though she wasn’t even showing yet, Nick treated her like she was priceless to him. They didn’t see him and he eavesdropped on their conversation.
“So, do you want a boy or a girl?” Nick was saying.
“I’d kind of like a boy to name after Brian. Brian Thomas Littrell, Jr just sounds right to me.”
Nick smiled. “Yeah, it does to me too. So do I get to come over every day and play with him? And teach him al my bad habits? I mean someone’s gonna have to teach him to belch like a man!” Rachel just laughed and looked at Nick who was totally serious.
“I’d really like it if you were around to help me with Brian’s baby. You’re his best friend and you’ve known him so much longer than I have. Kevin’s gonna need help to teach this kid all about his Daddy,” she said rubbing her tummy.
“Rachel, I’ll do whatever you need me to do to help make your life less complicated. I owe it to Brian.”
“How do you owe him?”
“Brian has shown me a lot of things about life. He’s been the big brother I needed when we were on the road and I was so homesick. Watching Brian with you these last few months has taught me what love really is,” he explained. Rachel started to cry and Nick pulled her close to him for a hug.
Brian decided to join them. “Hey! What are you two doing? No group hugs without me!” he teased.
“It’s just not fair!” Rachel sobbed. “I find a wonderful man who loves me and I can’t have him!”
Brian pulled her off the sofa and held her. He looked over her shoulder at Nick. “Rachel, sweetheart, as much as I love you and you love me, it seems that you are just meant to be with someone else.” Nick’s eyes met Brian’s for a moment and then Nick looked away.
“But I don’t want anyone else!” she said and ran out of the room. Brian let her go, knowing that she needed some time to think. He sat and looked at Nick, who still wouldn’t look him in the eye.
“I know you love her,” Brian said. Nick looked over at him then. “How could you not love her?”
“Brian, I ....”
“Nick,” he interrupted, “I haven’t said anything to Rachel about this, but I’m going to later on today. I would like it very much if you could promise me that you will always be there for Rachel and our child.” He paused and Nick stared at him. “And I would wish you nothing but the best if you wanted to make Rachel you wife and start your own family with her one day.”
Nick had tears in his eyes as he looked at his best friend. “Brian, I promise I will look after Rachel and your baby the rest of my life. But Rachel will never love me like she loves you.”
“Of course she won’t. We are two different people. But she could fall in love again with someone like you who cares about her and makes her laugh even now. Just give it time and see what happens, okay?”
“I’ll do anything you want me to Brian.”
“I know you can make her happy. Promise me that you will try to get closer to her. I want to know she won’t be alone.”
Nick couldn’t believe what Brian was asking of him. “I promise. Frick and Frack oath,” he said.
Brian smiled. “Frick and Frack oath. Now I just have to talk to Rachel.”******************************************************************
He found her in the back yard in the hammock still crying. “Rachel,” he called softly. She opened her eyes. He walked up and climbed into the hammock with her and held her. After a long while she finally spoke to him.
“You have someone you want me to be with, don’t you?”
“Yes,” was all he said.
“Tell me what you want me to do,” she said quietly.
Brian took a deep breath. “I want you to spend time with Nick and see if you two can find the spark you had before. Rachel, Nick adores you. I know he can make you happy and he’ll be good to you. He’s grown up a lot lately.”
"Nick Carter.”
“Yes, Nick Carter,” he said. “I’d actually like it if you two would get married maybe a month or so after I’m gone. I’d like for my child to have a father there when he’s born.”
“Brian, that’s so soon. I will still be trying to deal with you being gone,” she protested.
“Rachel, you and Nick can comfort each other. He’ll be missing me too. I know that he will be good to you. He’s my best friend. I want both of you to be happy.”
“What makes you think being with me would make Nick happy?”
“Nick loves you. He has since he met you at that seminar you did. He was the one who drug me and Kevin along with him to hear your seminar. When it was clear that you and I were having a serious relationship, he backed off.”
“Nick has been in love with me all this time?” Brian nodded. She looked at him for a moment.
“Rachel, what is it?”
“How come I never saw it?”
"You weren’t looking for it, silly! You were too busy being in love with me,” he said smiling at her. “Now lets go inside before we fall asleep out here.”******************************************************************
Once inside, Rachel popped popcorn while Brian invited the gang over for movie watching. After the movie, they sat up forever playing Taboo. Kevin and Tavia won.
The next night was Scattergories. Brian wasn’t feeling very well and made Rachel partner with Nick. They won easily over everyone. Brian sat watching Nick and Rachel together. Nick fussed at her when she tried to climb up on a step stool to put their game back in the closet. She fussed at him for being a worry wart. Brian felt an overwhelming sense of peace when he saw Nick put his hand on Rachel’s tummy and lean down to talk to the baby. He expected to feel jealous, but there was nothing like that watching the two of them. Rachel was laughing at whatever Nick had said to the baby. Brian knew everything was going to be okay.
That night, he walked Nick to his car. Nick could tell Brian had something on his mind. “Okay, spill it B-Rok.”
Brian smiled at his best friend. “You know me so well. I was wondering if you could stay here tonight. Rachel’s gonna need you in the morning.”
“What for?” he asked.
“Nick....” Brian started, but wasn’t able to continue.
Nick’s heart nearly stopped. “Bri? You won’t be here in the morning, will you?”
Brian shook his head. “ I want to make love to her one last time and fall asleep in her arms. I just know tonight is my last night. I have this really calm peaceful feeling. But I don’t want Rachel to be alone in the morning.”
“I’ll be here. I’ll run home and get a change of clothes and be back.” He hugged Brian and tried not to cry, knowing it would be the last time he saw his best friend alive. “I love you Brian.”
“I love you too, Nick. And thanks for being here.” Brian watched Nick drive off. He took a deep breath and went back inside. He couldn’t decide whether or not he should tell Rachel.
He had videotaped good-byes to Rachel, Nick and each guy in the band, as well as his parents and family. There was a separate tape for the band as a group. The will was all final. His lawyer knew that it would be soon. He knew at least that everything was in order. He took a deep breath and stepped into the house.
Rachel was standing in front of the fireplace in a negligee. Five months pregnant and Brian still thought that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.. Her stomach was just starting to show. She was absolutely perfect to him. It was so unfair that he had to leave her.
“Brian,” she said softly. “ I have this feeling that tonight is our last night together.” His eyes met hers and froze. “I want one last night in your arms. Please make love to me tonight.”
Brian was speechless as Rachel walked across the room and started to unbutton his shirt. She slid her hands inside his shirt and pulled him close to kiss him. Brian made love to Rachel that night, drowning out all thought of the reality that he would not wake up with her in his arms ever again.
Rachel was almost asleep when she heard Brian whisper to her. “Always remember that I love you and want you to be happy, Rachel.”
She looked in his eyes, knowing that it would be the last time she would do so. “I love you too, Brian, with all my heart.” She kissed him and put her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating. She could hear how abnormal it sounded, but it was beating. She let the sound lull her into sleep, knowing that when she didn’t hear that sound she would wake up.
A few hours later, Rachel sat up in bed with a start. She looked at Brian. He was so still. She put her fingers to the side of his neck and felt for a pulse. She didn’t want to believe that he was really gone. “Brian, I will always, always love you,” she said as tears silently started to fall down her face. She just lay there next to Brian and cried softly for a while.
Finally, she sat up and called the paramedics to come pronounce Brian. She got all of is “Do Not Resuscitate” documents out for the paramedics and made her way downstairs. Nick was sleep on the sofa and woke up when she turned on the light.
He never said a word. He just got up and walked over to her. She took a deep breath and Nick pulled her into his arms and held her while they both cried until the paramedics were at the door.
Nick called the rest of the guys and Brian’s family to let them know he was gone. Brian had prepared everyone for this moment and they all took it reasonably well. Brian had even made funeral arrangements. There was nothing left for anyone to do but grieve.*****************************************************************
A week later, Brian’s lawyer called all the band and Rachel together for a meeting. He had already met with Brian’s family and now, at Brian’s request, he was meeting with everyone else away from his family. The will was read, naming Rachel and her unborn child as the primary beneficiary. He left money to each of the guys charities as well. Everyone received an envelope and a videotape. There was a sixth tape given to Kevin but addressed to the whole band. That tape was to be seen by the band after they had all seen their individual tape.
The tapes were mostly Brian telling how much he loved them and what they meant to him. He talked about favorite memories he had with them. Nick’s tape also had a bit reminding him to keep his promise.
Rachel’s tape told her how much he loved her and he reminded her that he wanted her to try to be happy with Nick. He also had a message for their baby.
“Hey, little one! I’m your Daddy. I love you and your Mom so much. I just wish there were some way I could be there with you now. But since I had to go to Heaven before you were born, I asked my best friend Nick to look out for you and your Mom. He loves your Mom a lot. I know that Nick will be a great Dad for you. I love you.” He paused for a moment. “And Rachel, I love you too.” Then the screen went black.
The guys all got together the next day to watch the group video from Brian. Rachel was not there, and apparently wasn’t supposed to be. Brian explained on the tape what he had asked of Nick and Rachel so that none of the guys would think badly of them. Kevin looked at Nick. “I intend to be sure you keep that promise to Brian.”
There was a collective “Me too” immediately after that. Nick took a breath. “The problem is gonna be getting Rachel to let me in. We’re really close. But she’s not gonna be over Brian any time soon. But I intend to be there for her no matter what she says.”*****************************************************************
When Nick went to Rachel and Brian’s house to see her later that day, he found her sitting in the dark in their bedroom, replaying the tape Brian had made for her. She just looked so lost sitting there hugging Brian’s pillow. Nick climbed onto the bed and held her. She started to cry hysterically and Nick just held her and rocked her, letting some of his own tears fall. They eventually fell asleep in one another’s arms, dreaming of the promise they made to Brian.
When Nick woke up, Rachel was still asleep on her back beside him. Her shirt had slid up in her sleep and he could see the slight swell of her stomach caused by the baby. He instinctively put his hand there to feel the baby. He lightly rubbed her belly and decided to kiss it too. Rachel started to stir, her eyes opened just as Nick’s lips touched her stomach. She gasped and he looked up at her.
“I was just kissing the baby....”
“I know. I think it’s sweet. You do stuff like that. That’s why Brian wanted you to take care of us.”
Nick couldn’t believe that he loved her more now than he ever had before. She was everything that he ever wanted.********************************************************************
A month later, Rachel was living in Nick’s house and everyone was preparing for a very small wedding with a very pregnant bride. Tavia was helping Rachel with decorations and even spent the night a few times to keep her company and to let Nick rest. Pregnancy and Rachel agreed well with each other, but she had cravings at the oddest hours! Nick was getting very little sleep. Every time Rachel would wake up craving something, he would hear her and have to go see if she was okay. He couldn’t believe that she could eat so much and not gain more weight than she did. She claimed that the baby was eating it all up.
Rachel and Nick were married eight months into her pregnancy, but Rachel still had a separate bedroom so that Nick could sleep. Not that it helped much, he still heard every move she made and checked on her constantly. She couldn’t help but laugh at him. “You know if this baby is a girl, she will never be able to date and sneak in the house late with you around.”
“Why would she need to sneak in? I will be along for any date she would go on. I don’t want any boy acting with her like I did when I was a teenager.”
“You weren’t exactly a normal teenager, Nick....”
“Still, I know what boys are like. Maybe I shouldn’t let her date at all?”
“Nick, how about you just wait and see how things go? You might have nothing to worry about. This could be a boy.”
Nick paused. He fully intended to have his own children with Rachel, but maybe right this second wasn’t the time to bring that up. “Maybe I’ll let her date when she’s off at college?”
Rachel just laughed at him.********************************************************************
Rachel went into labor two weeks early. Nick drove her to the hospital and called everyone. The waiting room was soon filled with family and other Backstreet Boys. Twelve hours later, Rachel delivered a beautiful baby girl with curly blonde hair and blue eyes just like Brian’s.
Nick sat looking at his wife and Brian’s baby. “I know we were kind of expecting a boy to name after Brian, but how about Briana for a girl?”
Rachel smiled and looked at him. “How about Briana Nicole Carter? After the two most important men in my life.”
Nick had tears in his eyes. He never expected Rachel to give Brian’s baby the Carter last name. “Thank you, Rachel.”
“Do you want to hold her?”
“Can I?” he asked.
“Sure. Here,” she said and Nick gently took Briana from her and held her close to his chest. Rachel couldn’t believe how perfect Nick looked holding a baby.
The next day, they all went home. Kevin and Tavia came over to help them settle in. Nick put Rachel in bed and let her sleep for most of the day between feedings.
Nick was so wrapped up in being a Dad. He thought it was the coolest thing ever. Every day he loved Briana more. She even made Brian’s little faces. And now that Rachel was his wife and enough time had passed, he couldn’t wait to start practicing making his own baby. He just needed to get Rachel interested.
Tavia and Kevin offered to take Briana for a night and let Rachel and Nick go out to have a little fun. Rachel had a wonderful time. Nick had gotten to be a better dancer than she remembered. He was also sexier than she remembered. When he got them back home and kissed her, she couldn’t help but respond to him. He quickly took her to his bedroom and undressed her. He was doing all kinds of things that she was loving. As Nick lay with Rachel in his arms later, he couldn’t help thinking how much he owed Brian for being with Rachel right now.
When Rachel woke up, she saw Nick’s beautiful sleeping face. She smiled remembering how wonderful he had been. He was so gentle with her at first, afraid he would hurt her. She realized then how much she loved him. But she suddenly felt guilty about enjoying being with Nick. She hadn’t thought of Brian at all during the night. She eased out of bed and went to her room to take a shower. When she went downstairs, Nick was already there. His hair was an adorable mess.
“Morning,” he said. He was scrambling some eggs and frying bacon.
“Morning,” she replied softly . She just wanted to curl up and cry somewhere. She loved Brian with all her heart and she felt guilty now for loving someone else. She went to the refrigerator to get a glass of orange juice. As she was pouring it, Nick walked up behind her and hugged her.
“Thank you for last night,” he whispered, kissing her cheek. She started to respond to him and then suddenly pulled away. He knew something was wrong instantly and turned her around to look at him. She wouldn’t meet his eyes. “You regret being with me last night,” he whispered trying to hide the hurt he felt. She still wouldn’t look at him.
She took a drink of her juice and steadied herself. She looked into his beautiful blue eyes, dreading what she was going to say. “Nick, I ....I realized something last night. I’m in love with you....”
“Why do I know that there’s a but in this?"
She frowned. “But I feel like I’m betraying Brian somehow. I don’t know if I can repeat last night again.”
Nick’s heart was breaking, but he didn’t want to upset Rachel more than she already was. “Rachel, we are extremely good friends and I love you so much. Just knowing that you love me too is enough. I understand how you feel. You were my best friend’s girl. It’s a little weird to me too.” He pulled her to him for a hug and, to his relief, she returned it. “So how about we call Kevin and Tavia and get the munchkin back home? I miss her.”
“Really? I do too,” she said smiling at him.
Nick called Kevin while Rachel sorted laundry after breakfast and told him what had happened. Kevin told Tavia and she insisted that they come over immediately. When they got there, Tavia handed Briana to Nick and took Rachel straight to the den and turned on the VCR. She pulled a videotape out of her purse and held it up. “Brian told me to hang onto this until you needed to see it. I figured that must be now, according to what Kevin told me about you and Nick this morning.”
“What did Kevin tell you?”
“That you apparently feel guilty for having feelings for Nick.”
Rachel sighed. “I just feel like I’ve betrayed his memory.”
“Hush now. Brian knew you would do this and so he made this tape for you. Now sit down and watch it. I’ll be out there with the guys watching out for Briana,” she said closing the door to the den leaving Rachel alone. Rachel walked to the VCR and put the tape in. She hesitated a moment and then pushed play.
The screen was black for a moment and then she saw Brian walking over away from the camera and sitting down. “I bet you were through hearing from me, huh?” Rachel smiled. “Well I thought of a few more things I might need to say to you. You know me. And I know you. That’s why I had to make this one last tape for you.” He took deep breath. “First, I’ve go to say congratulations. I figure by now you and Nick are married and raising our little one. I hope that SHE is doing well. I just knew it was gonna be a girl. It was just a feeling I had. Hug her every day for me, will you?” Rachel nodded. “Thanks, Baby. Now onto the serious stuff.”
“I know that I’m in Heaven, but I’m sure that I still miss holding you in my arms. I’d give anything to be back with you and be able to see you everyday.”
“Me too,” Rachel said to the TV.
“I know. But, that’s not gonna happen. For some reason, you and I weren’t meant to be together forever. You are with Nick now, at my request. And I bet you’ve fallen pretty hard for him. He can be so sweet sometimes. And I bet that’s why you are feeling guilty. Well don’t. You are a woman who is meant to love and to be loved.
“Did I tell you about the night we first met?"
“No.”
"Well, Nick saw you first and wanted to meet you. He drug me and Train into that seminar. And then when we all danced together! I couldn’t believe I even had a chance with you. Girls always like Nick. I know you had to have liked him at least a little even back then.” He paused.
“Okay, so I did.”
“See? Rachel, Nick wanted you from the day he saw you. He has been in love with you for as long as I have at least. I felt bad for taking you for myself. Don’t you feel bad now for loving him back. I want Nick to be as happy as I was. And I was never more happy than I was when I was with you. You are the one who can help Nick be happy. Be in love with him now. Make love to him every night. Have more babies. Have fun! I want to look down from Heaven and see my best friend and the woman I love deliriously happy. Can you do that for me, Rachel?” Rachel nodded. “Thanks Baby, I owe you one. All my love. Hug Train and Nick for me. And remember, I will always love you. I want you to always love me. But you have a big enough heart that you can love Nick too. He deserves it. Bye Rachel.” The screen went black.
Rachel sat for a few minutes, just thinking. She had been really blessed having two wonderful but very different men in her life. Brian wanted her and Nick to be happy. Together. In love.
She turned off the TV and the VCR and went to join everyone. Tavia and Kevin had left. Nick was on the floor playing with Briana on her activity blanket. She smiled. Nick was almost as fascinated as she was. She walked over and sat down on the other side of Briana and started playing too. She looked at Nick and realized he was staring at her, wondering if she was okay. “I’m fine, I just needed a reality check.” Nick looked puzzled. “Tavia brought me a message from Brian. It made me realize a few things. I love you Nick. And you love me. Brian really wanted us together. Brian was taken from me so suddenly. I don’t want to waste one moment of the time you and I have together. Okay, I’m rambling. Let me get to the point. Do you want to raise one of these little one’s as it’s real father.” she asked pointing at Briana.
Nick was speechless for a moment. “Yes,” he said finally. “But not right away. I’d like to get this one out of diapers.”
Rachel smiled. “That makes two of us. But Nick, can we...um.....practice?”
Nick smiled. “Any time you want to is fine with me.”
“How about when Briana takes a nap?”
“Sounds good. Is she too young to take Nyquil?” he said leaning across her to kiss Rachel.
Rachel laughed and kissed him back. Briana smiled and giggled. She sounded just like Brian.
